Maintain Healthy Boundaries

“Setting boundaries is an act of self-love. It is your way of saying, ‘I matter,’ and I deserve to be treated with respect.”

—Unknown

Ella

I loved my family and enjoyed being fawned over and petted but on my terms. When I wanted attention, I would go over to Mom and nudge her hand in a request for her to pet me. If she stopped before I wanted her to, I would nudge her again, and keep at it until I was satisfied. I did the same thing with members of our extended family and friends. Whenever possible when we were out walking or hiking, I would walk in between the people heading towards us in case any of them were interested in petting me, giving me a treat, or praising me. If we went to the dog park, I would go around to all of the people to let them know I was there.

However, I always set healthy boundaries. I knew what I was willing to accept and what I was not. I would get on mom’s bed at night while she was brushing her teeth, and whatever else she had to do to get ready to go to sleep, but when she came in the bedroom to get in bed, I would jump down and get into my own bed for sleeping. I needed my space to sleep peacefully. I couldn’t have her accidentally brushing me with her foot if she moved in the night. In the morning, I would jump back up to let her know it was time for my breakfast. She’d try to make me cuddle, but that’s not why I was up there—I had only one thing on my mind, and that was food!

Occasionally one of the cats, or even Mom, would try to sit on my bed with me. If it was one of the cats and they stayed far enough away to not touch me, I’d let them stay for a while. If Mom was feeling sad and needed some comforting, I’d let her stay for a bit too. It made her happy to rub the spot on my paws below the main pad – she said it was super soft. She also liked to touch my silky ears. But, if she was fine and just doing it to hassle me, then I’d grumble at her. It was MY bed after all.

At the dog park, I did not appreciate it when another dog would try to sniff my butt. I could do it to them if I wanted to, but it was not okay for them to do it back. I was not interested in letting them get to know me in that way. If they wanted to run around a bit with me, that was okay but stay out of my personal space!

Sometimes people aren’t good at saying no or setting boundaries. They let people do whatever they want, even if it makes them uncomfortable or unhappy. Not me! I was clear on what I would accept and what I wouldn’t. Humans seem to worry too much about what other people think. But it’s perfectly acceptable to tell someone when they’ve breached your personal space. Be clear about what you need. It’s not rude, it’s self-care!