Setting Boundaries
By: Tessie
As a cattle dog, I’m a bit unique in that I like to cuddle. I enjoy cuddling on the couch in the evening while my humans watch TV and in bed in the morning before it’s time to get up. I share space with Mateo (our cat) quite often and even let him groom me, until he inevitably bites me.
After Mom’s knee surgery, I cuddled with her on the couch because she had to be there all day! It felt like the right thing to do – she was hurting and needed support. I’m also happy to sit in Mom’s lap in the car on long drives, when I’m nervous, or in the Adirondack chairs on the deck in the summer. I don’t fit in her lap quite as well as I did when I was little, but I still climb up now and then.
That said, cuddling has to be on my terms. I don’t appreciate it when someone I don’t know reaches for my head. I need to get to know you first and decide whether you’re trustworthy before you pet me. I’ll also duck away, even from my parents, when I’m in the kitchen or dining room (or really any time there’s food involved). I need to stay focused on the opportunity to get food and can’t be distracted by people touching me.
It’s important to have personal space and set boundaries. Mom loves giving us hugs. Mala loves hugs and will accept one anytime, anywhere. She loves smothering the person hugging her with kisses. However, even she limits this to people she knows well and doesn’t want a stranger encroaching on her space.
I do not appreciate hugs. I give a low growl as a warning that I’m not in the mood. Mom usually still holds on to me for a few seconds just to annoy me. I’ve learned the word “hug,” and when I hear her say it in my presence, I leave the room. Sometimes I don’t mind, but most of the time she tries to hug me in the kitchen. Again, not acceptable. I’m there to clean up anything that hits the floor while you’re cooking, not to give hugs or dance with you, which is another thing Mom insists on doing in the kitchen.
Mutually agreed-upon cuddling is great, but I’m of the opinion that you don’t have to accept unauthorized hugs. It’s perfectly acceptable to set boundaries and let people know what’s okay with you and what’s not. There’s no reason to let someone encroach on your personal space.